when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
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