fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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