I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
