giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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