well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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