he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
