True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Someone signed my nipple.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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