Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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