he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
