cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
