And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
