Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
