A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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