Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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