nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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