She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
