he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
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I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
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You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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