when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
