Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
