Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
