I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
