I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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