3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
