Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
No subtext here. People are naked.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
