my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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