; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
