At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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