It's like a parade of train wrecks.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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