Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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