i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
