I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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