i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
