I feel like abortions should bother me more
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
