Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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