Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
