I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
