By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
