And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
