Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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