it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
