like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize