Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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