im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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