he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
