I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
