we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
