There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
