oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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