I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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