life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
