how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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