its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
