we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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