Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
