yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she looked like the before picture.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
