Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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