textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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