Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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