in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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