In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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