his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
