If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
