when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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