Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
