WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
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I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
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The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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