I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
