Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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