dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
