Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
