p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
