True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
