I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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